If We Could

Chapter 8


[Last Chapter ]





For some student, that school year has been the worst. Especially to the soccer team and to the people close to them. No matter how hard they have tried, practicing and playing together  didn’t work. Not when Kim Jaejoong was not paying attention. Not when their captain was so distracted. Not even when Junsu and Daesung’s jokes weren’t working anymore.


Soccer games weren’t even as exciting as it used to.

And some if not all students knew how it all begun.


They could blame Dara Park for being stupid for stealing her father’s car and drunkenly drive it across Seoul and Busan. Some would even blame Park Bom ‘s untimely death.  Or Kim Jaejoong for being a sissy bastard who could not be a man and face reality.


But they could not. No matter what the drama is…sympathizing is all they could do.  Maybe blaming faith would be better because it had played its card well. So good people end up hurt… if not dead.


Kim Jaejoong wasn’t really functioning well after he had found out everything. He had gone from his awkward self to not talking at all. Teachers and friends grew concern especially when Jaejoong all together dropped out from his elective music class and quitting the soccer team. A sport that he used to truly loved.


It was a few days before the music recital that the music teacher had found the right time to give Jaejoong something that was left in his possession a few days ago. Most would not expect anything in response from him and yet the music professor was surprise seeing the recognition on Jaejoong’s eyes when he saw the familiar music notebook.


“Before her flight back to the States, Miss Dara Park handed me this” He handed Jaejoong a slightly tattered notebook. “She said she was sorry she could not go on with our little project. But wishes us luck on our recital. I believe she managed to finished what you started Mr. Kim”  the professor patted his back before walking away.




Jaejoong found himself inside the music room, sitting on his favorite seat with the music notebook in his hands.  Slightly shaking, it took him a while to finally gain the courage to open the notebook and what he saw made him tremble even more.



Still with shaking hand and rapid breathing Jaejoong turned the pages and saw the lines and notes that he draw. Then followed by the delicate notes that he was sure belonged to Dara. It took him a while, as if memorizing the notes then carefully tracing each notes as if touching it would smudge it out, erasing the careful lines Dara made.


Carefully placing the notebook on the stand, Jaejoong positioned himself and gracefully hitting the keys.



Jaejoong finishes it with a deep sigh, tears springing out of his eyes as he traced the signature under it.




Dara Park had placed an empty space right beside her name, and Jaejoong knew that the girl was hoping he will sign his name beside hers. Hiccupping from all the sobbing that he just did, Jaejoong frantically took his body bag, fishing out the pen he thought was there.  Growing in panic not finding it. Until he felt a gentle tap on his shoulder and a pen being handed to him.


Still with tears in his he gently written his signature  in it.









3 years later…




The sudden ringing of her phone made her jumped out of her deep slumber. Frantically searching for the phone that she had not seen the whole day. Dara Park was one of those who wasn’t really fond of cell phones or any other new gadgets.


Probably she grew tired of keeping one when for the past years she had not really received any calls from it. Aside from the occasional calls she gets from her brother Dongwook, who himself was very busy practicing his medicine.


Dara rolled her eyes seeing his brother’s name flashing from the screen and hesitantly press the accept button before placing it carefully into her right ear.


“YA! What took you so long!?” it was her brother indeed


“Wae!? Why do you always need to shout! One day! One day! You’ll be paying for the repair of my busted eardrum!”Dara yelled back, grabbing the dirty linen from her bed, finally deciding that it needed a good washing.


She could hear the older man chuckle and she grew irritated at what he was doing


“I was sleeping! I got woken up! And what do I get? I giggling idiot! Tell me what you want oppa! Or I’ll hang up this instance you’ll never hear from me again!” She threatened but receive a slight impatient huffed from the other


‘Fine! I’ll email you a link! You needed to check this out Dee!” then the older man hung up, making her stare at the phone irritably. Groaning with irritation, Dara stomped towards her garage to do some washing before her brother could think of disturbing her again.





It was almost dinner when she was able to read a message from her brother, asking if she already watched the link that he had sent her. Replaying instantly that she had not Dara tossed the phone again into the couch, ignoring it again as she watched another American sitcom. Then she felt her phone yet again vibrated then hesistantly opened the message, eyes going back and forth towards the tv and the phone.


“YOU BETTER WATCH IT OR YOU’LL REGRET NOT HAVING TOO!!!!” was the message and Dara felt the need to laugh. She was glad she wasn’t really talking on the phone with him or else she would greatly suffer from hearing loss.


She managed a short reply “I will do it now!”


Now having her interest piqued Dara turned off the TV and went to her room. Opening her laptop and email.


Then clicking the link that was sent to her by her brother.




I can’t look at you even when I have my eyes open
I can’t find your heart which has become cloudy amongst the worn out memories
I can’t do more because I’m tired and cried too much
No matter how much I think, I think I’ll be okay if I see you

I want to protect you… even your bad habits make me smile when I’m tired
Although it may be difficult, I’m going to say that I love you until the day you first come into my arms

I can’t smile, I can’t remember even when I smile
today also feels like it may disappear like a dream when I open my eyes
Even when I see you, I feel like you aren’t with me
I guess I’m still awkward at expressing my feelings… to love you

I want to protect you… even your bad habits make me smile when I’m tired
Although it may be difficult, I’m going to say that I love you until the day you first come into my arms

Will you become happy when you leave me to find a different warmth?
Even so I can’t let you go baby
It’s going to hurt even more than dying

I love you.. more than anyone… no, I’m next to you
I’m holding your hand
I can’t give you to anyone else’s arms
my heart cannot let you go…why


Dara stared in shock as the video faded to its end, Not missing the look on Jaejoong’s face as he sang the last note. He looked down as if wanting to be heard… to be seen. The music and lyrics still ringing into her ears. Her mind was trying to interpret everything.



“Our song….” She mumbled before sobbing her hearts out. Realizing it was their song that he was singing. And he looked so beautiful while singing it. Dara couldn’t help but to feel proud. It was their song. Her music and his words together and Jaejoong… her Jaejoong was singing it.


She felt her phone vibrating again and she took it, reading the message still with tears in her eyes, and Dara for the first time in three years smiled.


“It’s time to go back Sis…”





Jaejoong tiredly covered his face with his mask making sure that his face was at least covered. He had worn his sunglasses and the black hood of his jacket was covering his whole head. He silently but gracefully walked out of the arrival area with his manager and PR in tow.


His ears were covered with his favourite orange earphones as the music was blasting right into his ears, preventing him to hear any screams or conversation around him, unless of course he take it out of his ears.


He stepped out of the airport and stepped into his awaiting car closing his eyes immediately when the car drove off.


It has been his routine. He flies every weekend going back and forth between other countries and Korea. He had been doing the same thing and Jaejoong felt like he had memorise each step that he needed to take that closing his eyes wouldn’t even matter.


He knew it would take around thirty minutes before he will arrive into his flat. Not really caring for what was going on around him Jaejoong continued sleeping just until the car came to a sudden halt making him jerk forward from his seat.


Groaning with irritation he pulled the earphones out of his ears and glared at his driver friend- who he thought was Junsu

“YA!” he shouted but jerked backwards seeing the person next to him. Eyes widening in surprise and jaw dropping to his lap.


The driver had gotten her eyebrow raised, as if challenging him to shout more. And with the silence that consumed both of them she finally spoke


“Hi” She greeted


Jaejoong stared more, scanning her face and whole being, not really believing what he was seeing. Dara of course grew tense not really knowing what his reaction will be.



“umm…. I’m sorry… I thought…” She paused, looking away. Now being insecure. She couldn’t really believe that she had gotten the guts to do this. Jaejoong was a popular star now. He looks so beautiful Dara felt sick.


And Jaejoong silence wasn’t helping her nerves at all.


Feeling her body shaking Dara took off her seat belt then opened the door. Perhaps going back to Korea wasn’t a good idea at all.


Her mind was still racing when she attempted to ran across the street only to be pulled back by a hand on her arms.


Stumbling back to a chiselled chest Dara gasped, she was now face to face with him Dara could almost hear his pulse beating.


“What are you doing?” Jaejoong asked, a smirk dancing around his lips.


Dara watch as his tongue gliding out, wetting his lips as it appeared shinier.


“I….?” she cringed, not liking the fact that she was out of words.


Jaejoong raised a brow “You what?” his smirk grew wider; finally smiling fully Dara felt herself swooning.


“I… I was hoping we could talk” She tried stepping backward to make a space between them but the guy wouldn’t let go.


“By kidnapping me?” Jaejoong let go of her arm but continued by enveloping her into his embrace making the girl squirm out of it.


“Hey! Junsu knew! Your managers knew. This is not kidnapping at all” she reasoned, still trying to push the guy away


“Stop struggling or I’ll shout!” Jaejoong teased more.


Dara sighed in defeat. Head falling and forehead resting against his chest.

“I’m sorry” she finally exhaled.


Jaejoong’s reply didn’t come so Dara continued


“I was hoping…for you to forgive me.. and If we could… If we could give ourselves another chance…If We could start all over again? If you’ll let me love you again…”She stuttered, feeling embarrassed


Dara did not receive any reply from Jaejoong again. Instead he pushed her chin up by his finger, watched her eyes glow with her tears before kissing her deeply.


“Of course we could. You could even love me forever if you wanted to” he giggled then leaning down to capture her swollen lips again.



————————— FINISH ————————————


[ lilies notes – again! Please do not give me that look. I tried my best you know! Hahahaha and the fact that I am giggling is…. Well… fu^ck I don’t even care. I am happy with the last scene!!!! Sooooooo…. An epilogue perhaps?



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